April 11, 2016
Love In Loneliness
I don’t want my karma to be the curse of repetition. For the world to teach me real loneliness, to rival what I’ve whined about, to rival the darkness I fear. I don’t want my curse to be the devotion I had and lost. To be replaced with the mirror of my worst fear. I love that I love you and that scares me. I love that I’m in love with you the limits I know not of. It is dangerous. I want to try for you. I need you to know what I cry for. I want to breathe in your passion even if I have to imagine it there. Why won’t you glow for me? What about me doesn’t inspire effort? Doesn’t inspire what I feel I do, and feel and give to you? To us! Why do you allow me to be a one woman relay? Passing a baton of hope and of happiness to myself and begging for you to pick up the anchor leg of this race. Panting for you to meet me half way, and sweating out bits of myself, as I run to you. When will my smile be enough for you to run to me again? When will my need for you be enough again? I miss you when you are physically here and it’s heartbreaking. I’d expect a longing in distance, but not emptiness in close proximity. Where are you? Where is the man that worked tirelessly to ensure that I knew you were here for me. Where is he? I need the warmth of him, the embrace that taught me the special of my being. Where are you love? I miss you. Am I still visible enough to be missed too? Am I still tangible enough to your being, to still be important enough to your world?