Tag Archives: emotions

THE APOLOGY

2On this, the last day of black history month, and a leap year, let us not forget the horrors inflicted upon us for four-hundred years and come together with one single purpose – UNITY! The first step in this effort begins with family and for that we need black women to stand up and stand by black men to do what God intended. Celebrate Black History 365 days each year. Our story is the greatest story ever told. And that’s my thought provoking perspective…

THE APOLOGY by Aisha Williams

They beat me and I called you to save me … but you couldn’t.. so I secretly resented you. They took our babies and sold them, I begged you to save us.. but you couldn’t .. so I secretly blamed you..

They raped me, and I cried out for you to protect me… but you couldn’t…..So I stopped trusting you…

You were supposed to be my man.. my provider.. my protector but when I needed you.. you couldn’t be there… so I hated you…
How could I let you tell me what to do.
When massa could protect me more than you..
How could I submit to you when you are forced to submit to massa?
So to protect myself I submitted to the one who could protect me and our children.

I stopped trusting you..
I stopped loving you..
I stopped honoring you..
I stopped valuing you and in turn I became valueless to you.

I didn’t see the frustration in your eyes when our children were sold..
I didn’t hear your silent cries when I was beaten.
I didn’t see your anger when I was being ravished..
I didn’t understand that you held your emotions to be strong for me..
I thought you didn’t care.. but you wanted to be there…you wanted to protect me.. you wanted to ….

but massa made it so you couldn’t so I would trust him more than you.
I didn’t see the hidden hands shaping our destiny..
all I saw was my pain.. and the feeling that you neglected me..

For all the times I blamed you, I’m sorry
For the resentment and distrust I’ve held against you for centuries.. I’m sorry
For the times I’ve let you down
For all the times I’ve broken your spirit with my words and my actions.
For the times I openly rejected you.. and tried to control you .. because I thought less of you.. I’m sorry..

Massa had a plan.. that he said would work for 400 years.. 400 years is over now.

My eyes are wide open… ..
I see the king in you…

Please forgive my wrongs and see your queen in me.

POETRY By KhaYah (Aisha Williams) ©

Much love and many thanks to Aisha Williams for this powerful poem. Sharing it with the world! John T. Wills


A Picture Of Greatness

It is said that a picture is worth a thousand words. You will see the greatness in the eyes and faces of those who had the courage to be shining examples, and whose shoulders we stand. You too have that greatness. We need to simply understand that you can change the world but first we must change ourselves. And that’s my thought provoking perspective…

Black History is American History!

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Darkness Seething Beneath The Pretty

                    He loves me and I don’t know if I’m in love too
                           or if I just love to be loved by him.
                 I belong in the arms of the one who wants me right?
                       The arms that adore my beautiful soul
                          even if I cannot justify its existence.
           Even if I cannot lend proper reason to me being enough.
             Enough for someone so deserving of something more
                                        than what I can give.
        More than this darkness seething beneath the pretty that I give…
 

23Appearance, Perception, and Image are all words with which all women are familiar. They are all words we were told at least once in our lives. They define some part of who we should be. How a proper lady should appear literally at face value; before her mind is considered part of her wholeness. These words are drilled into us day to day through various forms of the media and need no more help from me. However, they do force a question or two: If I can manage to achieve the picture of a lady, what would I be losing? As I work so hard to polish myself golden for the world, what might I tarnish inside?

The answers may differ from soul to soul, but the need to be “enough” is the same. The search for self in another is the same. The disappointing journey into someone else’s opinion in order to fill the “darkness seething beneath the pretty,” can be scarring even if you don’t feel the initial cuts. It is a mistake many of us make. We find the warmth and strength of another a temporary relief from the weakness we’ve accidentally groomed within ourselves. For a time it works. It’s beautiful but how do we deal with the inevitable? What foundation within ourselves do we stand on when things are no longer new and carefree?

If you have not taken the time to learn that an individual’s self-worth can only be dependent upon, themselves, the realization that you cannot find that worth in another will be crippling. The resulting effects on the one close to you will be painful. It is just as hard for you to learn that you aren’t completely in love with yourself, as it is for the one you love to learn that you cannot yet truly love them. If you simply “love to be loved by him” you will maintain the effort to keep yourself polished to his desired golden shine.

It may become an obligation to remain how you think that you are favorably perceived so that you can continue to feel like “enough for someone so deserving.” The irony is that this is not the love you seek, for with only this there is still emptiness, there’s still a “darkness seething beneath the pretty.” The hope is that if we are able to learn to love who is beneath the stereotypical and one dimensional image of a lady, maybe we can have the joy in an internal shine so brilliant that our appearance, perception, and image will own a residual glow.

By Kathryn Sabir-Beach


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