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The Insecure Black Woman

Guest Blogger – Erica Edwards

11Being single for the past several years, by choice I might add, I have had to withstand  the backlash of many relationships gone wrong. I know every break up story has two sides, but I am going to speak from the one I see. Many men have experiences with women who try to pressure them into marriage and children.

There are women who actually talk about these things early in a relationship, before they know if they are compatible. Some meet women who don’t respect them and cheat on them because they are fearful of the possibility of being hurt. A lot of men talk about the strong black woman they meet who is mean and tries to dominate the relationship, making him feel less than a man.

I really don’t get it, or maybe I do.

Our society is one that is completely selfish, where many feel entitled just because they were born. I want to know what makes one feel as though they are entitled to another person’s life, their time, and the things they have worked hard for just because they want it. If you are not enhancing a person’s quality of life, you have no business being part of it. If you are causing drama, arguing, and constantly making demands, those are not attractive qualities and you should seek to make yourself a better person before engaging in a relationship with another. You by yourself should be enough. Being alone does not equal being lonely.

I know Steve Harvey wrote a book for women on how to deal with men. I have seen some of its points and I am not in total agreement with all of them.  My philosophy on life is more of an Eastern/Buddhist philosophy where I try to consider the needs and wants of others before my own. I find that I have more peace of mind this way. I try to practice selflessness: the art of putting the feelings of others before yours. In addition to selflessness, there is unconditional love. Unconditional love is when you love others regardless of their situation, what they have done, or what they may have done to you.

The only person you can control in this life is you. There are always going to be situations that arise which are challenging, that is life and that is uncontrollable. People are people, and they will do things that may cause you hurt and pain because of their own life experiences. You have to accept them for who they are and decide if they have a place in your life or not–you cannot change someone who does not want to change.

If you consider how you are making another person feel and also how that other person may be feeling before you act or react, you will find that life becomes easier for you. When someone snaps at you, instead of snapping back and asking what you did to deserve that behavior and using expletives, simply ask “What’s wrong?” Many times other people’s behavior is not about you, so it is wrong to take it personal and allow it to upset you.

Before you enter into any long-term relationship, you have to be happy and love yourself. You have to know what you do and don’t want, be happy with the direction in which your life is headed, and be able to be happy even when your significant other isn’t around. If that means having friends and family to do things with, having hobbies that interest you, or performing some sort of community services then do that. Wanting a man to be around all the time is way too much pressure. Basically, get a life.

Let’s go back to my beginning points. The marriage and children talk. Men are providers. Talking to a man about providing for you and a child, which is what you do when you talk about marriage and children, will be scary to any man within the first few dates. It’s ok to ask a man if he sees being married or having children in his future if that’s what you want but nothing more. As women, we have a tendency to fantasize about what our life will look like when we meet a man. Women have to keep in mind that this is indeed just a fantasy!

You love the idea of him but not him, because you don’t know him yet. He is most likely just trying to have a good time and get to know you. Honestly, I think a lot of black men are waiting to see if you are going to act crazy or not.  Try to relax and enjoy the moment.  Enjoy your dinner dates and your talks. It may work out and it may not. If not, chances are you will learn something about yourself, your business, or life itself. Chalk it up to experience.

If a man doesn’t want you, let him go. There are plenty of men out there and one who will love you in return. Don’t spend too much time sulking. There is no need to change who you are, especially if you are happy with yourself, to keep a man. Let him find his match and wish him well. Love him so much that you want him to be happy even if it isn’t with you.

A girlfriend of mine actually told me how to get over a broken heart quickly. What she advised was that I write down all the things that made the relationship not a good one and focus on those.  We have a tendency to focus on all the good when people are gone. You will remember the good in time but for the sake of sparing others from your moping I recommend the list, it works!  Don’t call him, text him, stalk him, or throw a tantrum. It may hurt but as the old adage goes: time heals all wounds.

Let a man be a man. If you make more money than he does, or you own a home and he doesn’t…so what! Those things are material. Don’t remind him of it every time you have an argument. If he is a productive citizen, loves his job, and can take care of basic needs that’s all that should matter. In many areas, especially in the city, it will take both people working to run a household. If you live together, support him however you can. When he is around you he should feel like a king and any worries he has should be left outside. A man that you disrespect and belittle won’t be yours for long. There are plenty of women out there who will make him feel like a man and your relationship will be short-lived.

Don’t cheat; it does nothing for your character. If you’re afraid of commitment just admit it but don’t waste other people’s time and emotions. Giving your all shows people who you really are. If you can’t do that, you aren’t ready for a commitment. If you are cheating because you don’t trust him, and you don’t trust any men…get a therapist. You aren’t ready for a commitment.

http://blackrelationshiptalk.blogspot.com


RACISM ENDED!!!

2This is the biggest news of our lifetime – “who knew”! This comes as a big surprise to many people of color everywhere. Yes, folks – racism is dead – according to the Republican National Committee, who confirmed the breaking news via a tweet on Sunday. The Republican National Committee issued the BIG NEWS, as they celebrated the 58th anniversary of Rosa Parks refusing to give up her seat on a segregated bus in Montgomery, Alabama, by proclaiming racism has ended.

We know Rosa Parks’ courageous acts and the Montgomery Bus Boycott were indeed crucial protests against a reprehensible, often violent system of racism only compared to Apartheid in South Africa. But, unfortunately conservatives refuse to acknowledge that institutional racism is still pervasive, powerful, and deeply entrenched in voting restrictions, food stamps cuts, and wealth disparities.

Several hours after the GOP declared the end of racism; they retracted their tweet and sent out a new one: “Previous tweet should have read “Today we remember Rosa Parks’ bold stand and her role in fighting to end racism.” But it was too little, too late: Twitter users had already begun posting with “#RacismEndedWhen” to mock the statement.

Sorry to let anyone down, and sadly much to my dismay, racism hasn’t ended! The truth is it has increased since the election of President Obama in 2008 and one could argue that it is more deliberate than at any time in our lifetime and certainly since fifty years ago when Mrs. Parks took her heroic stand.

Following the re-election of Obama in 2012, Colin Powell publicly condemned the GOP’s “dark vein of intolerance” and the party’s repeated use of racial code words to oppose the president and rally white conservative voters. Without mentioning names, Powell singled out former Mitt Romney surrogate and New Hampshire Gov. John Sununu for calling Obama “lazy” and Sarah Palin, who, Powell charged, used slavery-era terms to describe Obama.

When the right-wing comes forward with such a dishonest and disconcerting declaration of such a false reality – lookout, there is a surge a coming! Be careful who you trust because the devil was once an angel. All I can say is VOTE! And that’s my thought provoking perspective…


A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words

976485_10200621438991306_218192175_o (1)It is my great pleasure to introduce you to Nakesha KonstaRantala Williams, one of the most elegant and photogenic models from the Washington DC Metropolitan Area. Nakesha is not only a model, but a poet and soon to be an author with a persona that exudes style and grace. Nakesha’s dream and passion burned within her soul early in life. She began modeling around the age of fifteen years old participating in local talent events. Most notable as a participant in the Ms. Teen Washington DC Pageant, coming in as one of the top ten finalists.  

It was from that moment; she knew she had a date with destiny and her passion took over dedicating the rhythm of her soul to for-fill a dream. She knew exactly what she wanted to do, brighten the stage with her presence. Her charm and grace lead to her being able to adapt and grow in every area of the profession that took her to places she had, to this point, only imagined. She has worked various modeling positions including print and runway. What is remarkable about this unique beauty is that her soul is present in every image captured.

We have all heard the cliché that some people have something called “IT”. Nakesha has “IT”! Her style is creative and edgy with a bold touch of sensuality and passion for her love. Moreover, her femininity is ever present and clearly seen in all of her work, which speaks to her spirit that comes from deep within her soul.

She has educated herself on the latest trends and styles in both clothing and accessories that are relevant to the public imagery to reflect the latest fashion styles. She is an expert in her ability to apply makeup to achieve specific effects and versatile in hair styling, knowing that both talents are helpful tools for a person in this profession.

418533_3157604171923_960969865_n (1)Nakesha effectively utilizes her appearance and natural chemistry at fashion shows and in all forms of modeling. She is comfortable as she works in promotional production settings, including still photography sessions, video recordings, and venues featuring live fashion shows on runways. Nakesha is available for all modeling assignments and works well in all environments to include especially stores, retail stores, commercial showrooms and custom salons. With a passion for fashion and design, she convincingly portrays a wide range of ages, styles and personalities which is her forte.

Nakesha wishes to thank photographers: Ceasar, Pedro Bauza and Andre Dunston with Epic Media Photography, and also the Barbone Modeling Agency for their support.

Besides being charismatic and photogenic, Nakesha is an Artist and a Poet, who loves to create images and poems that will touch your soul. She is now writing a book of poems, due to be released in early 2014.

A portfolio of photographs depicting her many moods and dispositions is available, if you follow the links below. She has what it takes to be a successful model because Nakesha has “IT”!

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My Websites 

                http://nakesha20720.wix.com/nakeshathmodel
                         www.modelmayhem.com/blondvixen
                                FaceBook “The Model’s Page”
 
                                      John T. Wills Media Kit

Marissa Alexander Freed

breaking newsFor the first time in a long while there is good news out of Florida!!! Marissa Alexander the Florida woman sentenced to 20 years in prison after firing a “warning shot” during an argument with her abusive husband has been released on bond while she awaits retrial under a controversial part of the state’s self-defense law. What a wonderful holiday gift!

The case of Marissa Alexander, who was convicted of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, touched off a furor when her supporters compared it to the self-defense case of George Zimmerman, who was acquitted earlier this year of murdering an unarmed black teenager. Some have compared these two cases and the law as simply “black and white. Whereas, no one was injured in Alexander’s case, the court gave her a 20-year prison sentence under the state’s mandatory minimum sentencing guidelines because she had fired a gun during the assault.

A state appeals court ruled in September that Alexander, who is black, deserved a new trial because the judge failed to properly instruct the Jacksonville, Fla., jury about her self-defense argument. She was convicted in May 2012. “This news is vindication for Marissa and all the women who have become criminalized for exercising their basic right to defend themselves and their children,” Angie Nixon of Florida New Majority, a social justice organization, said of Alexander’s release.

The case drew criticism from civil rights groups concerned about self-defense laws and mandatory minimum sentencing rules, but it received little attention outside north Florida until the Zimmerman case. Zimmerman was arrested for killing Trayvon Martin in 2012 and was acquitted of murder and manslaughter in July 2013.

Under the so-called “Stand Your Ground” clause added to Florida’s self-defense law in 2005, people who use deadly force to defend themselves from serious injury – rather than retreating to avoid confrontation – can be immune from prosecution. Zimmerman never sought immunity under “Stand Your Ground,” instead relying on a standard self-defense law. Alexander’s “Stand Your Ground” claim was rejected because she left the house during the confrontation to retrieve a gun from her car, returning to fire a shot near her husband Rico Gray’s head.

A slightly built woman who stands 5 feet 2 inches, Alexander said her 245-pound husband was about to attack her when she fired into a kitchen wall during the August 2010 incident. He had previously been convicted of domestic violence for attacking her. Prosecutors said the shot endangered Gray. At the time, Alexander had an active restraining order against her husband and she carried a concealed weapons permit.

Source: CBS News


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